Can therapists have problems too? (Yes!)
Okay, obviously we’re allowed to have our own problems. But, what problems are “acceptable”? I think that’s a question that comes up a lot. And I want to tackle it.
Unfortunately, in so many contexts, we continue to receive this messaging that certain kinds of problems are not acceptable for therapists to have.
So what do those therapists, who have one of these problems, do when they are trying to get support but feel like they’re not allowed to talk to their consult group, supervisor, or even their personal therapist?
This creates a recipe for secrecy and shame. Because now they’re not allowed to have the problem that they have and they’re not allowed to get help for that problem.
Prefer to watch the video? You can watch the episode here:
Polling for data
I was curious to ask my followers about some examples of these problems that therapists aren’t “supposed” to have. So I put a poll out on Instagram that asked: “What problems/struggles are therapists not “supposed” to have?”
I got a healthy number of responses and I noticed some themes coming up. Today we will look at some of those themes and discuss if therapists have problems that they’re not “supposed” to have.
Problems therapists aren’t “supposed” to have
1) Relational/Family Issues
The top category of response, by far, was relational and family issues.
Some of the polling responses were: “problems in your marriage.”, “Relationship difficulties. Trouble expressing wants and needs”, “Marital or other relational problems”, “Go through a divorce”, and “Relationship issues/poor communication”. There’s definitely a theme here!
At face value some might say: “Therapists shouldn’t have significant relationship or family issues because isn’t one of the primary things that we help people to do is navigate relationship and family issues? So, if we can’t get our stuff together in our relationships how are we then supposed to help other people do the same?”
What does the data say?
This raises the question: do therapists have relationship problems? And, this is one of those things that we only have so many ways of attempting to measure.
One thing that can be measured is divorce rates. So, how many therapists get divorced and how does that compare to the general population? Looking at some data from flowing data may be helpful.
They mapped out the percentage of divorce based on different occupations. The median divorce rate for counselors is around 36%. So, based on this census data of divorce and occupation counselors are right in the middle of the road. Fancy that. Therapists are humans with relationship problems too.
2) Personal mental health challenges & addictions
The next most common responses to my Instagram poll were in the category of personal mental health and addiction related concerns.
Some of the examples of responses I received included: “Depression, anxiety eating disorder”, “Having mental health challenges or needing support on a bad day.”, “Addiction.”, “Anxiety”, and “Depression”.
I think the idea of having been through a mental health concern or an addiction issue and then coming out the other side and becoming a therapist is a trope. In general that seems to be glorified in our profession.
The idea that today, right now, I could be struggling with some kind of mental health concern that’s significantly impacting my life while also helping others through their mental health concerns can be frowned upon in certain circles.
But, that’s just unrealistic. Therapists are humans who go through their own hard things and we’re still showing up for our jobs as we help others.
Of course, as with anything, if there’s something that’s affecting our ability to do our jobs well we are ethically obligated to make sure that we’re getting the support that we need. Then, we can make adjustments to make sure our clients are cared for. And hopefully we’re also simultaneously taking care of ourselves.
But, that doesn’t preclude us from having mental health concerns, even severe ones.
What does the data say?
All of this raises the question: “What is the rate of mental health concerns/diagnoses amongst therapists?”
I spent some time looking into this and it’s not the easiest question to answer. But I did find this helpful article that is a transcript of a podcast interview from the Association for Psychological Science.
The title of the podcast episode is A Paradox in the Field: Mental-Health Disorders Among Psychologists. Sarah Victor, a clinical psychologist and professor, is being interviewed about some of her research about rates of mental health concerns amongst therapists.
Victor says, “So we asked people very broadly have you ever had a mental health difficulty? Yes or no? And we didn’t define that for people. We let people define that for themselves…So we also asked have you ever been diagnosed with a mental health condition by a professional, yes or no?…And we found over 80% of respondents said yes to that broad mental health difficulties question, and a little under half said yes to the diagnosis by a professional.”
Later when Victor is asked how these rates compare to the general population she says, “So overall rates are pretty similar to what we find from large epidemiological studies that assess lifetime prevalence of any mental health condition.”
3) Emotion Dysregulation
The other themes that came up in my poll had fewer responses than those first two primary themes.
The next most common theme was emotion dysregulation. I think it’s a little bit harder to study if therapists can keep their cool better in their personal life better than the average person in the population.
But, I think about this all the time. The people that I get the most annoyed with are not my therapy clients. It’s the people that I share a living space with. And it’s not because they’re more annoying. It’s because I’m in their lives on a daily basis versus interacting with a client for a weekly 50 minute session.
I’m guessing that if there were a way to research this, the level of emotion dysregulation that therapists experience in their personal lives would probably reflect the general population. Because, once again, we’re human!
4) Lacking empathy
Another theme that popped up in my poll was that therapists aren’t “supposed” to experience lack of empathy for their clients.
The idea that we’re supposed to like every single client is kind of ludicrous.
Especially if we imagine that for at least some, if not all, of our clients are having problems that likely impact their relationships. It would be very normal and expected that if they’re bringing that into the session they might be bringing some of those characteristics into their relationship with us.
I believe it’s kind of a good thing when it comes up. It means they’re hopefully not masking whatever their problems are. And hopefully you can help them.
To be clear, I like almost all of my clients. But, we’ve all had at least some clients that we don’t like and that’s just a normal human experience. And that doesn’t mean that we can’t help them.
5) Money concerns
Apparently, therapists aren’t “supposed” to have money concerns either.
A couple of the responses I got from the poll included: “Money issues. Just work for pennies and help your clients and be thankful for what ya get lol” and “Dissatisfaction with low pay-reimbursement from insurance”.
You’ve worked so hard and probably accrued a ton of student debt. You’ve also delayed your income a ton because it takes forever to get licensed in our profession. And then, when you’re done with licensure, you get paid comparable levels to somebody who has a college degree or sometimes even a high school diploma.
So yeah. It makes sense that we’d have money concerns. This isn’t across the board, but definitely on average can be true.
6) A human range of emotions
There were a couple responses that I thought were interesting and grouped them together in this category. One said in response to what problems therapists aren’t “supposed” to have, “Fear of rejection”. And another said: “With grief and loss”.
If any profession is the profession that should experience emotions, and potentially intensely, would it not be our profession? But, I think some people expect us to be a bit robotic and not feel feelings.
7) Affected by client work
The final category of responses included these last two comments: “Struggling to ‘let go’ of distress after a session” and “We aren’t ‘supposed’ to be impacted by the work we do i.e. secondary trauma or minimally we are not to be impacted by the work we do.”
Of course we’re impacted by the work we do! The most valuable predictor of how successful therapy treatment is is how genuine the client believes the therapeutic relationship is. Basically, if a client believes that their therapist really cares about them, then that’s going to have a huge positive impact on the outcomes they experience.
And yet, we’re also expected to not be affected by the work. So, how are we supposed to genuinely care for someone if we’re also not supposed to be affected by whatever is coming up? You can’t have one and not the other, you know?
Yep, therapists have problems!
I titled this article Therapists have problems too, right? And it’s a little tongue in cheek because of course therapists are allowed to have problems.
But no matter what kind of problem you have, or you’re afraid might develop, it’s so much better to make sure you find safe support to navigate the problem. Instead of believing the narrative that you’re not supposed to have that problem so therefore it needs to stay a secret.
That is a recipe for spiraling. I don’t want anyone to spiral from the belief that therapists aren’t supposed to have certain types of problems.
More resources
It is common for therapists to decide to specialize in helping others who are challenged by problems they too have experienced. Is that a good idea? Take a look at my video that tries to answer the can question: Can therapists specialize in treating things they relate to?
Anxiety is a common problem for all people, including therapists. Are you a new therapist who has found anxiety a part of your work life? I’ve got some tips to help you navigate anxiety as a new therapist.
Until next time, from one therapist to another: I wish you well.
-Marie
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