Do you have therapy tools that are your go-tos? The ones you reach for again and again? I do!
I always find it fun and informative to hear what other colleagues’ go-to therapy tools are. So, today I wanted to share with you some of my favorite therapy tools. These are the tools that I keep pulling off the shelf over and over again regardless of treatment plan or therapeutic approach.
Remember, this isn’t prescriptive. If you aren’t using any of the tools I name it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong!
These are certain techniques that I can sprinkle into pretty much any session that just work for me. So I use them all the time!
Prefer to watch the video? You can watch the episode here:
Most used therapy tools
I want to share some of my top 5 therapy tools that I keep going back to.
1) Psychoeducation
I spent some time trying to think about which tool I use the most above and beyond any other therapeutic tool. As I reflected I was surprised to realize that it’s probably psychoeducation.
Culturally there are a lot of values in place that don’t really align with the evidence that we have available in research.
There are a lot of scenarios where I’ll see clients living their life in a way that generally best aligns with their values and the research we have available on that particular topic. But, they feel like they’re falling short because culturally they’re living their life differently than the people in their communities.
Whenever this comes up with clients it feels like one of those therapeutic slow pitches. I can cite some available statistics regarding what this client is concerned about that immediately puts them at ease.
Example of using psychoeducation
One example that I see a lot is parents who fear they’re going to harm their child for being less-than-perfect. In this scenario I will often cite research about “good enough parenting”.
I might say: “It’s common in our culture to be heavily concerned about making everything just right for our kids in order to be the best parents. But research suggests that pacing your parenting approach with your own needs allows developing children to learn independence. As well as self soothing at a pace that fits both you and your child. That moment where you spend a few extra minutes lying down before getting up to help your child is not only a reflection of your humanness, but it plays an essential role in helping your child learn how to cope with increasingly challenging situations on their own. They learn that they will be okay on their own for a bit and that you’ll always be there for them even if they have to wait a moment for you.”
It always feels really good to deliver this information about “good-enough parenting”. Most of my clients are immediately soothed.
2) IFS parts work
Another therapy tool I find myself turning to often is Internal Family Systems (IFS) parts work.
Of course, IFS has a formalized structured approach for how to engage in this parts work with clients. However, just the parts language itself can be incredibly useful in beginning to shift how a client see and deal with their situation.
Example of using IFS parts work
It may sound something like this:
Client: “I just can’t make up my mind. Sometimes I think I want to climb up the ladder at work, but other times I just feel tired and I’d rather just stay where I’m at. See doc? That’s my problem, how am I supposed to know what to do if I can’t even know what I want? I guess I’ll just always be indecisive.”
In these moments, a gentle insertion of parts language usually opens up a new pathway in our work. It’s an invitation to clients to see themselves as multifaceted, nuanced individuals with more than one value.
I might say: “I notice you’re using language that makes it sound like there’s something wrong about the fact that you’re not sure what you want. When this happens, I find it much more helpful to refer to the parts of ourselves that want different things. So there may be part of you that values climbing up the ladder in your career. There’s also a part of you that values finding comfort in staying where you’re at. It’s totally normal to have different, seemingly competing values like this. When this happens, I find it can be helpful to take the time to get to know each of these parts. See what each of them really wants. Then see if the two (or more) can come together to make a decision in a way that respects and acknowledges all the preferences and desires you have.”
Sometimes just that alone is enough for a client to unlock a different approach. And then they can keep the ball rolling from there.
3) Radical Acceptance
Another favorite therapy tool I use daily when I see clients is radical acceptance.
I like the phrasing as described in DBT because it seems to most clearly capture what it is. DBT describes radical acceptance as having to radically accept the things that you can’t change.
I find myself turning to this when it seems like clients are just continuously fighting a circumstance that they can’t change or they might not be able to change. Then I’ll reference radical acceptance. I’ll find different ways, depending on what the client seems like they might benefit from, to frame that I notice that they keep fighting and it doesn’t seem to be working for them.
Example of using radical acceptance
Most of the time I’ll take a curious approach, and it might sound something like this:
I might say: “I’ve seen you work so hard for so long trying to change this circumstance. I see how exhausted you are. And I guess a genuine wondering that’s coming up for me is: how possible is it for you to change this circumstance? I’m just a little worried that you might keep working yourself into the ground with little or no fruit to show from it. What do you think?”
When we acknowledge that there are things that aren’t in our control that’s definitely a more uncomfortable space to hang out. For a lot of clients if they really can notice that there are things that are out of their control in a situation that they’ve been fighting there tends to be grief.
It’s not uncommon for folks to mentally fight circumstances that they can’t change. And, it’s totally natural to do this. Sometimes, accepting the things we can’t reasonably change creates a sense of helplessness or of giving up. And often behind that lives grief. Together, we will work on the grief instead of putting all our energy into fighting something they’re never going to win.
4) “I’m a curious 5-year-old”
My next go-to approach is something I made up a term for. I call it: “I’m a curious 5-year-old”.
You could potentially refer to this approach as Socratic questioning. However when I look up resources on Socratic questioning it still has more of an adult framework to it. I like the idea of putting on my curious 5-year-old hat when I’m taking this approach with a client.
For whatever stuck place my client is in, I like to genuinely and curiously ask the questions that feel like the “why is the sky blue?” type of questions my 5-year-old loves to ask me. In other words, I like to gently ask about whatever assumptions they hold.
Example of using 5-year-old questioning
Here’s an example of how this might play out:
Client: “But I could never tell my husband how I really feel about that, obviously…”
I might say: “Hm. I’m curious about that. I think it could be really helpful to map out the reasons why you can’t tell your husband how you feel. Would you be willing to say more about why you can’t tell him?”
Client: “Oh, huh. Yeah that’s a good question, um…I guess I never really asked that question before. Let me think about that…”
Then you can keep following that gentle line of curious questioning until your client identifies any potential snags in their thinking or their approach.
5) Worst case scenario therapy
The last go-to approach that I want to include is what I call following a line to its bitter end. I think some people might refer to this as worst case scenario therapy.
It’s kind of the opposite of the typical reality-checking that a CBT approach would use for catastrophizing. There’s a limit to how far that CBT approach can go. The reality check essentially says: “how likely is it that the worst case scenario will happen?” and then provides solace when the answer is: “not very likely” or “highly unlikely.”
But it doesn’t account for the reality that indeed, the worst case scenario does sometimes happen. It’s really important for our clients to name what some of those feared worst case scenarios are. Then, we can ask the question of: “how can we make sure that you’re okay even if the worst case scenario happens?”
A lot of times this is about helping people learn that if they’re going to go through something really uncomfortable or quite horrible, that they still have the resources to be okay.
I notice, for a lot of my clients, that they’ll name a fear that comes to mind and then cut themselves off. They’ll say: “you know what? That’s probably not really likely going to happen anyway. I think I’m just catastrophizing.” They won’t really finish the thought that I know is taking up real estate in their mind.
I find myself really leaning into this approach especially if clients are bringing up worst case scenario fears that are statistically likely.
Example of using worst case scenario therapy
Client: “I’m really worried about this job interview. Because I’m scared that I’m not going to get this job! But I think that I’m just psyching myself out. I’m a really good candidate so there’s no need for me to worry about that.”
I’m thinking: “This job market is rough, statistically, there’s a good chance they won’t get that job offer.”
Of course, usually, none of those things are helpful to say out loud. They would probably come across as heartless and even just mean.
I might say: “Wait, just so we know what we’re dealing with, because we know that this fear is already taking up space in your brain anyway, where does that fear lead? What’s the worst case scenario there?”
Ultimately, this approach loops back to radical acceptance. I want my clients to understand that there are going to be some things they can’t change. In the job interview scenario, they could do everything right in the job interview and still not get the job. My client will have to learn to radically accept that that’s how that situation played out.
Even more therapy tools
Of course, there are so many other therapy tools I like to turn to. But these are some of the ones I’m pulling off the shelf at least once on any given day when seeing therapy clients. These techniques can also give a pretty high payout for relatively small effort in the right situations.
But, if you are looking for more therapy tools beyond the 5 listed above, I have some articles and videos that might help.
Have a stuck client? Read about my top tool for helping a client when our tried and true methods aren’t working.
If you’re reading this article you may be someone who likes to think about how you can continue to improve as a therapist. Watch my video about how to actually improve as a therapist.
Of course, you won’t get too far with your client if they don’t feel completely safe. Read my article on tips that go above and beyond the obvious mechanisms to foster safety with clients.
Until next time, from one therapist to another: I wish you well.
-Marie
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