Have you ever found yourself getting bored as a therapist when seeing clients? It is a very common experience! I would argue it’s a very universal experience.
Even if you love your job and most of the time you’re not bored, at some point you’re going to get bored in session. It’s just part of being a person.
For some folks they might be feeling bored every once and awhile and others might be feeling bored most of the time.
Today we’re going to talk about reasons why you might be getting bored as a therapist when seeing a client. I’ll offer some tips so you can feel equipped to figure out why you’re feeling bored and what to do about it.
Prefer to watch the video? You can watch the episode here:
Let’s be judgement-free
Before we jump into reasons you may be bored as a therapist I want to address a personal response you may have to the boredom. First of all, an earlier version of Marie used to think that if I ever felt bored that I was somehow failing as a therapist.
If you’re prone to this sort of self-judgment when you feel bored, let me encourage you to shift your perspective. Instead, view your boredom as a little flag. It’s not to be ignored. We definitely want to take a closer look at it. But, it’s not a reason to judge yourself. Your boredom is signaling something and it’s more helpful to be curious about it.
Now sometimes when we get bored in session it’s because there’s something going on with us. Or sometimes there’s something going on with our client. And sometimes it’s a mixture of both.
3 therapist-related reasons for boredom
First, let’s take a look at some of the things that we bring to the table that could be contributing to the boredom.
1) Lack of personal physical care
I’d start by asking about your physical care. Think about things like your sleep, and your circadian rhythm. Are you seeing clients during the afternoon lull when your body kind of wants a nap? Or are you regularly only getting five hours of sleep per night?
I’d also ask questions about how much you’re putting your body through in your work day and your work week. How many clients are you seeing per week? Per day? How many clients are you seeing back to back? Are your breaks sufficient throughout your week and day in order to sustain your energy level?
2) Countertransference
Another reason therapists could get bored is because of countertransference. Is this not the Captain Obvious answer that most people would give?
While, I don’t think countertransference is the most common reason why a therapist gets bored, it is certainly worth evaluating. And sometimes it really is countertransference!
If you’re ever unsure about whether countertransference might be at play when you feel bored, this is definitely a great opportunity to consult with a trusted colleague.
3) Lost the plan
Another potential reason you might be bored is if you lose the plot. Sometimes therapy can get a bit stagnant and we lose track of what a client’s treatment goals are. Then, therapy sessions lose their sense of direction because we’re not totally sure where it is that we’re going.
If this has happened for you, then I’d definitely go back and revisit your client’s treatment plan. Maybe you just need to regroup your direction and come back to that plan. Or, if it seems like the treatment plan needs some adjusting then definitely bring it up with your client. Make any tweaks that you want to so you feel like you have an achievable treatment plan.
4 client-related reasons for boredom
1) Side tangents
One reason therapists may get bored is because clients are not telling the whole story. Or maybe they’re focusing a lot of their energy on some sort of side tangent rather than the core of what’s really happening.
I’ve been there before! I know when this happens the temptation is either to stick with whatever they’re bringing up and kind of dive into it as though it needs to become the focus. Or you may enter a power struggle. You try to strong arm them into focusing on the thing that you really wanted to focus on.
Consider that maybe you’re focusing on something that’s not really what they were looking for help with. Notice out loud that that seems to keep happening and ask “what should we do about that?”
Then, you can address whatever is keeping the target topic from being the kind of front and center topic that you look at.
2) Loops
Another reason you can get bored is that, especially with long-term clients, you can see them loop through the same cycle and pattern over and over and over again.
One example of this dynamic that I see often is when somebody says they want to end a relationship with a partner/family member and they continue to keep going back over and over.
I think probably the best solution for this is to bring it up with your client. Reassess if you need to change your approach.
You might say something to your client like “Hey, you came in to work on this and I’m noticing that we’ve been working on it for a little while and this issue seems to keep cycling for you. I’m wondering if maybe it might make sense for us to shift our approach.”
3) Repetitive Stories
Another reason you might get bored is that you have a client who perseverates on telling the same story over and over again.
When this happens with clients I find it most helpful to check-in on what might be going on to cause them to retell the same story. For instance, there might be some secondary gain for your client by retelling the story.
You might say something like “Hey, I’ve noticed that’s not the first time you’ve shared that story. I’ve heard it a few times now. That tells me there’s something important going on with that story. Can you tell me more about what’s going on for you when you share that story?”
4) Disconnection
You may become bored in session because your clients aren’t really connected to themselves. Therefore, they are disconnected from whatever they’re talking about.
So that creates this natural kind of parallel process where your client isn’t fully present and your body responds with boredom. Which is like your body is saying “I’m not really here right now either.”
Sometimes our client is disconnected from themselves because there’s something about the context/topic that is kind of dissociative in nature. Particularly if there’s some kind of trauma that they’re focusing on. They may disconnect as a method of coping.
For some clients that disconnection is more pervasive. They’re kind of disconnected from themselves all the time.
Still feeling bored most of the time?
A lot of these examples, that I’ve named so far, are reasons why you might be getting bored at a particular moment. But, some folks might be feeling bored a lot.
In which case, you might want to take a different approach.
If you’re in a situation where you’re feeling bored most of the time, or even all the time, then I think it’s a good time to evaluate whether there might be some career-related reasons behind your boredom.
Please don’t take that to mean that I think anyone who’s bored often with their clients should quit being a therapist. That is not what I mean at all!
But, as I talk with therapists, I do observe that it’s quite common for folks to be working in a particular context that isn’t the best fit for them. Often a different context would work much better. Even still with doing therapy work.
Triage process
So, if you’re feeling bored most of the time or all the time, I would do a deep dive evaluation of your current career setup. Just to see what could be contributing to your boredom.
If you’re feeling bored with clients here’s a triage process to go through. You can scale it up appropriately as it starts becoming a bigger thing.
Personal check-in
- If you notice boredom comes up twice in one session or maybe in back to back sessions with the same client then I would do a personal check-in. Just a little silent, internal check-in. Ask: “I wonder what could be going on there?”
- If you can, make any adjustments that are within your reasonable power. Then, see if that makes changes for the next time.
Check-in with colleagues
- Take time to check-in with colleagues if you’re not able to catch anything going on personally that may be contributing to the boredom. Or if there’s a contributing factor that isn’t in your power to control.
Check-in with clients
- If you’re not finding anything particularly personal that is contributing to your boredom then it could be a good time to bring it up with your client. Especially if you notice your boredom being a pattern.
- You might say: “Hey I’ve noticed ever since we’ve started addressing this certain topic there’s been some moments in session where it’s a little bit harder to connect with what you’re bringing up. Are you noticing that too? Is that just me? Maybe I’m missing something.”
- And, whatever you do, I strongly urge you not to let the boredom build up. Small changes early on are a lot easier to make than big changes later on.
Take a break
- If you’re feeling bored not just with one client but feeling bored in general with your work, it’s never a bad idea to take a break. If you have the ability to do so!
- Take a vacation. Take a week off.
- See how it feels to have that time off and then see how it feels to come back.
- Are you dreading coming back? If so, you may want to check for things like burnout, or the beginnings of burnout. Burnout can happen when we don’t address some of our needs and keep pushing through.
I hope you found this article helpful. Whenever I make a list of things I always feel self-conscious knowing that I did not cover everything on the list. As much as I try!
My hope is that you feel empowered to be curious about the roots of your boredom and can work to make adjustments that help you care for yourself and your clients.
Extra Tools
Wondering if countertransference is part of your struggle with feeling bored as a therapist? I have an article all about my thoughts on countertransference and why I’ve come to embrace it.
After assessing your boredom, you may be starting to realize that burnout is creeping into your work life. In the following video I share 5 tools that have helped me prevent burnout as a therapist.
Until next time, from one therapist to another: I wish you well!
-Marie
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