Stalling out in session is an experience we’ve probably all had. You’re at minute 35 of a 50-minute therapy session and…it just kinda stalls.
Just as an example, imagine this conversation happening in session:
Client: “So that’s when I found my cat was just hiding under the bed the entire time.”
Therapist: “Wow, so how did that make you feel?”
Client: “Pretty good.”
Therapist: “Cool cool…” 🥱
When this happens, I feel like every therapist has a default approach that they utilize when they’re not sure what else to do.
Some therapists might just sit awkwardly and hope the client says something. Others might try the stare-down technique until the client breaks and starts talking. (I’m only partly joking!)
Some folks make it their top mission to do a deep dive on whatever topic was most recently discussed. In this situation, they might say something like, “So, we haven’t spent a session talking about your cat yet. Tell me everything. When did you get him? What’s he like? What color is his fur? What does he smell like?” 😆
And some therapists are much more direct. They might confront their client by saying something like: “I notice you’ve been talking about your cat for 30 minutes when you’re here to see me for poor sleep. Why are you avoiding the topic?”
Which sometimes can work, but not in every situation, and it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.
8 Tips To Help When Therapy Stalls
Before we dive in, I want to note that these aren’t pieces of prescriptive clinical advice. I just want to share some tools to have in your back pocket when you may need them.
If you’re finding yourself stalling out in session not knowing where to go next, here are some tips to consider:
1) Notice Patterns
First, reflect on whether this is an ongoing pattern.
If so, you can observe that out loud with your client. You could say:
“I’ve noticed in the last three sessions that our conversation seemed to stall out right when we started talking about your self-worth. I wonder if there could be a pattern going on there? Have you noticed that?”
2) Rewind The Conversation
If there doesn’t seem to be a pattern, you can try to identify where it was that you lost the script.
If you can pinpoint it, here are two strategies for coming back to a deeper interaction:
- Play it off by taking the blame: “Excuse me, I realize I took us on a tangent when I asked about your cat keeping you up at night. Can we go back to the part where you’re telling me about your sleep?”
- Curiously notice that you stalled out together: “Huh. We were talking about sleep and then somehow we wound up on a bit of a tangent. I wonder if you have any ideas of what might have happened there?”
3) Self Disclose
A tool that can be disarming in a conversation that can potentially feel confrontational is to self-disclose – appropriately, of course – and invite collaboration.
You might say: “I notice I’m having a little trouble keeping our conversation about sleep moving forward. I wonder if you see anything that might be throwing off our conversation a bit?”
When utilizing self-disclosure as a therapeutic tool, always be mindful that you’re doing so in a way that’s designed to benefit your client.
4) Utilize Internal Family Systems (IFS) Language
If you detect any sort of hesitancy around leaning into the topic that your client is seeing you for, you could try using some internal family systems language:
- Acknowledge the part of them that is there to see you and work with you. Then, observe that there may be a part of them that is hesitating or isn’t quite ready to go all-in on the conversation.
- It may sound like: “It seems like when we touch on the topic you came to therapy for, our conversation stalls out and it’s hard to make headway. I know you’re seeing me to improve your sleep, but I wonder if there is any part of you that is feeling hesitant to lean into that conversation?”
5) Invite Direct Feedback
It’s always an option to ask your client what direction they want you to take things.
For example, you could say: “I’m wondering if there’s anything I can change about my approach to make it feel easier for us to go a little deeper?”
6) Borrow From Prior Breakthroughs
If your client has pushed through a wall of depth before but today they’re having trouble accessing it, then you can refer back to their prior breakthrough. It could be helpful to glean something from that previous experience that could be applied today.
It might sound like: “Last week we were able to really get to the bottom of how your sleep disruption is tied to your self worth, and it seems a little tougher to get back to that spot this week. Was there anything about last week that made it easier for us to be able to go there? I wonder if we can borrow from what we did last week to get back to that sense of depth again?”
7) Check In On Your Client’s Needs
Sometimes clients are distracted by something else taking up more space in their mind. That other topic may currently be taking higher priority for the client.
As an example, you could say: “I know you’re here for help with your sleep, but I’m noticing it’s feeling a bit hard to delve into that today. Is there something else you might be needing from the session today?”
8) Discuss Graduating From Therapy
When applicable, it’s important to acknowledge that your client may have arrived at their treatment goals.
They may not necessarily be needing therapy anymore in order to keep moving forward with their lives. Sometimes, this can be the reason things may be stalling out in session.
If you observe that a client has made significant progress, check in to see if it’s time to have a conversation about whether therapy is still serving its intended purpose.
This could be a cause for celebration!
These are just a few of the tools that I tend to turn to when stalling out in session. There are certainly other tips and tools that could apply!
Hopefully by having some of these in your back pocket you feel empowered and equipped to support your clients if things start to stall.
Additional Aid To Clients
Along with experiencing stalling out in session, another pattern you may be noticing with clients is a lack of progress altogether.
If so, I have an article about tips you can try when your therapy clients are stuck.
Not only do clients stall out in sessions, but they also can demonstrate resistance. Check out my video on 4 therapeutic approaches you could try if this happens.
Until next time, from one therapist to another: I wish you well!
-Marie
Photo by Polina Zimmerman on Pexels
Photo by SHVETS production on Pexels
Image by Pavel Danilyuk on Pexels
Leave A Reply